Once We Were Five

Once upon a time, there were five of us. Are there still five of us? It's confusing. Yes, there are five of us, but only four of us are living. Because Austen died. On April 20, 2008. One day before the date listed on his death certificate. Four days after my 44th birthday. Three days after the last day I saw him. One day after the last time I tried to call him. Only four of us are living.

Five Squirrels in a Fig Tree is a reference to the five of us. The fig tree is still out in back. The squirrels still race around in it. Our dog, Tulie, is still fascinated by the squirrels. But there are only four of us living. And I want to write again.

I want to reclaim this blog because I like it. My favorite posts were on my Yahoo! 360 blog, where I wrote a diary about adopting Etagu. Those posts are all rain fallen from the cloud -- gone. So sad for me. I still have this barely used blog, though -- this blog that refers to the five of us -- and I like this blog. I think I will reclaim it. But with this re-introductory post acknowledging that, while there are still five of us, only four of us are living. And my heart will always ache for number 5.